Why are wives of narcissists treated the most cruel? Especially behind closed doors?

The long term spouse of a narcissist is the ultimate doormat.

The ultimate cushion to the narcissist’s own inner rage, turmoil, and chaos, and the purpose of the cushion is to absorb blow after blow, to prevent the narcissist’s own demise.

The narcissist is a self-destructive beast, and the only thing that prevents the narcissist from fully self-destructing, is having a target (supply) which is capable of absorbing the narcissist’s regular stream of self-destructive blows, through narcissistic projection.

Through narcissistic projection, the narcissist creates an effective shield against their own self-generated onslaught, meaning instead of being on the receiving end of the onslaught, it is instead handed to the target to take on and deal with.

Although the narcissist tries to use everyone to their advantage, no-one is capable of saving them from themselves quite like their long-term co-habiting partner.

Their long-term co-habiting partner, gives nothing less than their all and everything, to ensure the narcissist’s survival.

Oftentimes, perhaps most of the time, the partner does not even quite grasp the role they are playing, or who they are playing with.

They are just trying to survive, survive a predicament which not even they fully understand.

What Is at the Heart of Dark traits Like Narcissism?

At the very very core of dark triad personalities like narcissism, is a deep rooted sense of self-loathing.

That’s right, narcissists hate themselves about as much as anyone can hate anything. And with self-hatred, comes the close sibling – shame. Narcissists have a deep rooted sense of shame as well.

Because narcissists are unable to process these feelings in a healthy way, and because narcissists do not take responsibility or accountability for their own shortcomings or failures, they don’t want to own up to their problems.

So, instead of accepting these feelings as their own, instead of accepting they have problems which should be worked on, they make such problems the world’s problems.

By relinquishing any sense of accountability for themselves, they set into a motion a series of toxic tornados designed to created chaos, drama, and turmoil to those around.

As the narcissist watches the destruction unfold, chaos and drama all around them, they don’t feel so bad anymore. A homely feeling now abounds.

Those who roam on the dark side, like to cast pupil-dilating shade all around them.

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus your own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus your own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.